Thoughts of a Reflective Witch
by Vituperat
Summary: Try to understand Narcissa Malfoy; brought up in a rigid household, she has only a few examples of rebellion. Only now has realised what she should be doing with her life. One-shot


Thoughts of a Reflective Witch

_After Draco returns from Hogwarts after his fifth year, Narcissa Malfoy reflects on her past, present and future._

Sometimes, when you look back at sections of a day, you realise that if you'd thought about something slightly differently, if you had done something a little more carefully, or said something in reply to someone else, things would have been much different. That's what I feel like, except I'm not looking at yesterday, or even yesteryear; I'm thinking of most of my life.

I'd always found Andromeda and Sirius so…fascinating. They had the spark, the naivety I once called it to be rebellious and be themselves. I was too worried about not being blasted off the family tree to actually think about what I really am; if I did I probably wouldn't be the person I am today. Andromeda had a special bond with Ted, the kind that just wouldn't be stopped by thing such as purity of blood. Some people say that the stereotypes are wrong, that Mudbloods are just as clean as us. Look at Ted Tonks and you'll understand what people are talking about. Even Andromeda herself said it, though I think I wasn't supposed to hear that. They have a daughter, an Auror yet somehow able to get herself into all sorts of scrapes. She's a Metamorphagus too. I used to want to be one, when I was quite little of course; I was taught better afterwards. Sirius on the other hand, refused to be taught. He was always a rebel, never one to conform even if only a part of the accepted didn't suit him. That ridiculous motorbike of his is just like him; loud, hard to control and not easy to miss. He was handsome in the way Bellatrix was beautiful. Not the sort of delicate, fragile beauty, theirs was of strength and darkness. They always had the look of someone in control of their actions and more. Strong-willed people, it showed on their faces. I suppose it's why no one was too shocked when word broke out about Bella the Death Eater. She looked the part. Then after the Potters were killed, Sirius was the obvious candidate for mass-murderer and traitor to boot: it was all in his eyes. I know they're wrong though. That's as much as Lucius will tell me.

I'm not too sure of when I was fully introduced to Lucius, not got to know him because the only one who does is the Dark Lord and that's from years of exhaustive observation of humans and Legilimency. When I was properly introduced to Lucius, I knew there was something about him. The cool, menacing way in which he spoke, the way he could look at you and convey so many different concepts without a single feeling passing through those grey eyes of his. It was natural that he became a Death Eater; he had the poise for it. He was always convinced that he would not become one of those 'mindless followers' as he put it, although I'm not as sure. After all, he is stuck in Azkaban and not in the cellar looking for 'interesting objects'. He really must think I'm a fool. Half of those objects are safety devices banned during the 15th century and the rest are from Borgin and Burkes. I know that it's only me he doesn't respect. It's not a male-female issue; I know he regards Bellatrix very highly. Then again, who doesn't?

I was about to ay I'm alone in the world, or something equally as dramatic, when I realised I've got Draco. Currently, he is in his bedroom, barring everyone except the house-elves from entry. I always did tell Lucius that Draco would get his hands on those objects one of these days. I worry about my boy, although I'm not paranoid; today, he came off the Hogwarts Express shaken, muttering 'damn Dumbledore lovers'. I noticed he had several hex marks on his neck. If he's not careful, he may well end up with several enemies, not unlike his father. That's why I didn't want him attending Durmstrang; they learn so many Dark Arts, the students are bound to use them against each other.

I've realised that if I carry on in the same vein, I'll be here for a very long time, gradually fading away without anyone realising. Andromeda, Sirius, Bellatrix and Lucius have all done something unique, something specifically them. Even Draco has done something to distinguish himself from the others in his year, with the business with the half-breed Hagrid as well as him reporting to Rita Skeeter. It's my turn to do something that's not typical of a Black or a Malfoy, but of Narcissa. It'll probably seem like a small change to onlookers but it will be a difference all the same. All that remains for me to do now is find all the Dark Objects Draco has been hoarding and store them somewhere else.


End file.
